I was discussing the term Socialization with a client.   I explained it had nothing to do with being friendly.  An 80 pound Golden Retriever that leaps at you with sheer joy to see you, and subsequently knocks you to the ground and licks your face, is acting in an anti-social manner, regardless of how “friendly” it may appear.  Why?  Because to be social is to respect higher ranking individuals in the “pack”.  People should always be considered higher ranking to a dog.  A higher ranking dog does not tolerate a young-punk dog to invade his personals space, at will.    

I went on to explain that the dog that comes up to you and shoves its muzzle under your resting hand, then tosses your arm into the air with the demand to, “Pet me Now!” behavior should not be given affection at that moment.  The ramifications of doing so can turn a slightly disrespectful dog into one that begins to make greater demands or learns to protest his condition with more frequency.    Your falling prey to the demand is a bit like giving into the screaming three year old that is demanding, “Skittles, I want Skittles, NOW!” as you walk past the candy isle in a grocery store.  While you may not think it’s so terrible to give the kid a little packet of sweets (especially if it will quiet his protest), the long term ramifications of that sort of parenting can result in a terribly annoying, if not downright rude child.

I do understand that 90% of humans probably do pet a dog that comes to be petted.  And, I  will admit I am one of them.  However, I am cognizant of what I am doing when I do so.  I also do not comply to such a demand with all dogs.  Dogs that are not disrespectful in other areas of the relationship and revere my position when I expect the dog to yield to my demands can be “petted on demand” and will not take advantage of the give-and-take in our relationship.  Whether a dog is granted the privledge to demand affection requires an overall understanding of the whole relationship between the human and the dog.  Typically, if a dog has come to us for training, it is not one that should be given such freedom to stipulate terms of the relationship.

The client then explained how her father’s dog was so sweet and loving.   Every time she went to visit them, Lilly would climb up her chair and “hug” her with both paws around her shoulders.   Knowing Lilly (because she was a pup that I bred and whose sister I own), I replied that I felt Lilly’s behavior was disrespectful and that she should either correct the dog or prevent her from performing the behavior.  She should then only give affection to the dog when it was calm, relaxed and acting polite.  The client replied, “Oh, but I feel so honored that Lilly would want me to pet her”.

OMG.

Epiphany moment!  I would have never felt that a human being would be honored when a dog demanded something of her.  I understand that we all fall prey to our dogs’ demands and protests at times and that often that is what leads a dog to become very unruly.  However, it never dawned on me that a person could feel honored by such objectionable behavior.  From that point forward, I realized that many of my clients may feel the same way and that the gap in my understanding that point could be a reason why folks cannot seem to understand how to maintain a dog in a socially compliant state of mind.